Short and sweet

It's been a busy busy week but finally some proper time out is about to start. Next time I update I should have some great pics to add of the monkeys.
This might be a highlight of 2012!

Smile Its Tuesday

Belated Happy Mothers Day

To all you Mummy's out there I hope you all got spoilt rotten yesterday. My day was one of mixed feelings - the monkeys' were at their Dad's this weekend so although I got a lie in I missed them so much - it didn't feel like Mother's Day. But my best friends husband had bought her and me a spa day - how lucky am I?! Then it was off into Manchester for a meal at Grilley On The Alley - my new favourite restaurant with L we had such a brill afternoon then back to hers for cups of tea and cheese and biscuits - yummy. So although I missed my 2 so much I felt really lucky that my friends made sure my day was still brilliant. I picked them both up from nursery and I got another card and some chocs that blue monkey had chosen - plus lots of cuddles off the two of them.
Below is the one of the best 2 mothers day cards in the world!

Bathbombs

What a crafty night I've had. One random night of Internet searching made me think it'd be a great idea to make Bathbombs so I ordered the ingredients needed and as usual did nothing with them until tonight. I roped my lovely friend Kat into it too - she supplied the wine and we made a nice pile of pink and green ones. For a first attempt I think they look nice - the proof will be when I drop them into my bath tomorrow!

Free coffee and Matt Cardle

My turn to do the coffee run at work and Starbucks were having a promotion - introduce yourself get a free coffee - the guy was obviously in a good mood as I got all 3 coffees free nice start to the morning.
After work off to Liverpool to watch my friend's friend Roxanne Emery support Matt Cardle. I'd never heard Roxanne before but thought she was brilliant - her songs were beautiful especially the one I think was called "lost".
We ended the night getting take out from Hardman Pizza - that brought back some memories it's round the corner from my student union so I've spent a fair few drunken nights in there in my youth - oh I feel old.

Finally I think ...

I have an iPhone so I have photos so I can upload .... this is the cutest one of the monkeys I took the other day both lovely and clean after their bath and all calm and ready for bed. Mummy is brainwashing blue monkey to be a blue - ops Daddy won't be happy!!
Survived another day in work but pink monkeys late night screaming fits are taking their toll so early to bed for me I need so much beauty sleep!!
Oh and very proud of pink monkey she got star of the day at nursery for playing so nicely with her friends - very proud mummy

I'm back

Ok back to positivity - I took a few days holiday from work, reassessed things, got stuff sorted at home - the cleaner starts on Thursday - and feel a lot better than I did last week.
Had a lovely few days off spent Wednesday mooching round Liverpool One - the shops were great I loved there when I was at Uni and it's changed a lot - then S and I had a very long lunch at Gusto at the docks it was lovely, food and service were great just a pity we could only have 1 glass of wine and not share a bottle. Then off to G's for homemade pizza with her family - I certainly dined well. It was lovely not rushing the monkeys every morning before nursery and being able to pick them up earlier we were all relaxed and happier.

Anyway life is not one big holiday - although not long till we jet off to the sun - so back to work and back to normality. I just need to get sorted and remain positive I have a lot to look forward to and I still think 2012 is going to end on a high.

Things are going to change

I set this up to be super duper positive about life but if truth be told at the moment it's all a big lie. My life is at this precise moment in time teetering on the edge and I really don't want it to go any further over. Writing this down is meaning I have to be honest with myself and honest about sorting it out. My dads illness and death at a time of pregnancy,and a little one already, was horrendous, add to that a husband who I know did care but found it difficult to communicate as I became ever more upset and turned to my friends instead so finally after the birth of pink monkey I walked away causing more misery not just to myself but to my children and my ex, a guilt which I feel on a regular basis, have I destroyed my children's futures - as the press is littered with broken home stories - their Dad has proved he is a constant in their life he loves them unconditionally and I am confident he will always be there. So I've started again in a rented house whilst I wait for the family home to sell, I'm juggling a stressful and at the moment unrewarding job with 2 little ones who need me for everything, I feel unsettled in a house that I know isn't our long term home, for the first time in a long time I am watching the money I spend and covering the monthly overspend with savings worrying about how that will all work out, and it transpires that i've been an absolute bitch to my friends not intentionally - and I wish I'd known sooner - but through my sheer selfishness of not realising what was going on around me being so wrapped up in me. I really think some of it is confusion - they feel I have had a few dates and avoided them infact I know that I am more conscious of ever this stage and I probably do avoid but not because I'm wrapped up but because I worry they will only think I call when I am alone - I suppose that doesn't make sense - but being on my own I don't want to intrude on others I am the one who needs company not them they have the other half I am the needy one. I have struggled in some social situations this past year - the gap of husband has felt at times horrendous and it seems I have shown this more than I realized. Do I care about my friends - yes they have been there for me and it seems I haven't repaid that yet, do I hope they will let me repay it in the future then yes. Today has been the final straw, I have to admit that I am struggling now, I can no longer pretend that all is fine because it clearly isn't. Tomorrow I need to start again, start becoming the old me again I was happier, nicer just better,these past few years have taken so many things from me and I don't want to spend the next few years being like this. So today this post is completely honest it's not positive happy smiley it's miserable and grey but by admitting hopefully I can change.

Looking back / looking forwards

So February has finished and the 3rd month has started, what can I look back on, lost a house, kept a job, had some wonderful time with the monkeys and had some nice me time. So looking forward what do I want from March, to keep my job (!), have a brilliant holiday in the sunshine with the monkeys and my mum, enjoy some nights and days out with my lovely friends - the diary is already looking full. I think this is going to be a good month.